Thursday, 2 September 2010

Preparations and Transitions

At present I am in the midst of preparations for my birthday party, which is on Saturday... in two days' time. I think I'm in the calm before the storm... although hopefully it will be a fun storm! It's my 21st birthday on the 13th, but I'm having my party on the 4th so that it's not crazy immediately before we all go back to uni.

OK, this is a really boring blog. I felt the need to do so though, perhaps as a way to purge, or maybe just to kill some time.

I've been tidying out my room in order to make room for as many camp beds as possible and I came across a few things that I found interesting, and wasted some time with. First of all I came across the novel that I wrote between the ages of 12-14. I do feel proud of it, because it is a full-length young adult novel, printed out and arranged nicely in a folder, complete with title page and illustrations of characters. It's called 'Forbidden', about a 17-year-old girl vampire, who falls in love with a human boy, despite their love being forbidden. I finished writing this in 2004, so I hold Stephanie Meyer a little in contempt for 'stealing' my idea.

However, I decided to read it, thinking it would be an enjoyable few hours of reminiscing. I couldn't get past the fourth page. This is the phrase that I found so painful that I had to stop reading, "I look into your eyes and I feel like time is frozen and I can let this moment last forever; only it won't last forever, can't lost forever, nothing can last forever, except my undying love for you!" What makes this worse is that the grammar is almost as painful as the cringeworthy sentiment. And yet, it does show how much my writing has improved in the last six years.

I also came across my leavers' book, from when I left sixth form at the age of 18. I went to that school for five years, and most of the comments are people saying 'I didn't really know you,' or words to that effect. Sometimes these were from people I thought I knew quite well. Some of the people didn't actually seem to know who I was. It's all very Mean Girls. Some of the nicest things in there were written by my English teachers, which I think says a lot! One of them even gave me her home phone number! They all seemed to know that I was soon to have a book published, though, and everyone wrote how successful I would be as a writer... so we'll see!

My first boyfriend, Charlie, wrote in it that in ten years he would want my autograph, as I'd be rich and famous... I recently learned that he's actually in the process of filming a, well, a film, like an actual cinema film, and that he has another lined up soon. So, actually, I think he could well be very famous very soon... maybe I can exchange autographs with him? I bet I know which would be worth more money! Maybe I could sell the story of our first kiss to some trashy magazine, though, and pay the rent that I can't pay with a writer's living.

It's strange reading through that book and hearing everyone's wishes for a good time at uni. They all told me to "have fun at uni!" and I disregarded that, pretty sure that it would be three years of grinning and bearing it. I was soooo in love (phrase of the era) with my boyfriend of 2 years, Matt, and I couldn't bear to leave him. I almost didn't go, in fact. Those fears kind of come through when I think about my reactions to everyone's good wishes. How odd, when I compare that to how I feel now.

I'm just about to step into my third, and final, year at uni. And I can't bare to leave! Matt and I broke up before I even went to uni, we didn't even last it through the summer. At the time it felt like the worst thing in the world, and now I see that it was probably the best. I've made so many amazing friends at uni, more than I could possibly have even hoped for, and I know that when I come to leave, none of them will write "I didn't really know you".

So it's been a week of transitions really, trying to transition into thinking of myself as a 21-year-old, i.e. someone who is DEFINITELY an adult (even if a somewhat reluctant one), of trying to get my head around what on earth I'm going to do when I finish uni, how I've changed and (hopefully) improved as a writer, and remembering the strange transition from school to university.

For old time's sake, I'm adding a photo of my leavers' ball from sixth form, just over two years ago.

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